


the swimming pool job

by ironic_boner



Category: Jeff Bezos RPF, Leverage
Genre: Crack, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:01:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22349950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ironic_boner/pseuds/ironic_boner
Summary: the team goes after a whale
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	the swimming pool job

“He’s the richest man in _the world_ ,” Hardison says, pointing at the bald man on his screen.

“He’s got a net worth of $157 billion. That’s _billion_ , with a _B_." 

Parker perks up. “ _Billion_ ,” she repeats dreamily. “I could buy a swimming pool, and then fill it with hundred dollar bills.”

“Yeah, an _Olympic-sized_ swimming pool,” Hardison agrees, smiling at her.

They’re as bad as each other. Eliot clears his throat meaningfully. Hardison stops gazing lovingly at Parker while she gazes lovingly at imaginary pools of money, and turns back to his screen, where he's introducing the mark of their new job.

Their stupidly risky and complicated new job. Whose idea was this? Did they not think “the richest man in the world” thing through _at all_?

“He got all that money, though, from being a jackass,” Hardison continues. "His company pushes all the mom and pop stores out of business. Hell, it pushes the stores that used to be pushing the mom and pop stores out of business, out of business. And it destroys its employees lives. It treats them like they’re not even human and then pays them unliveable wages. They’re living pay check to pay check, or they’re on food stamps. Meanwhile, this guy’s just hoarding his massive swimming pool of money.”

“We’ll take it,” Parker says. “I mean we’ll take him. Down.”

“Right,” Eliot says. “Can I remind you - he’s the richest man in the world. He’s not stupid, and he’s gonna have the best security money can buy. And this could get very high profile. What’s your plan?"

Parker thinks about it for a minute. “I have an idea, but it might be boring. We’ve done it before.”

Eliot relaxes a bit. Boring is good. Something they’ve done before is even better - that means it’s doable. “Sounds fine, Parker. What is it?”

Parker leans forward and smirks, and Eliot realizes he’s just been had even before she says, “Let’s run the white rabbit on him.”

*

_One Week Later_

“I can’t _believe_ it didn’t work,” Parker says, pouting.

“It’s not your fault,” Hardison says. “You can’t run the white rabbit on a guy when he was never a good guy to _start_ with.”

“What are you two talking about?” Eliot asks. His head is still spinning, because, “It worked. Parker just successfully pulled off the White Rabbit. Again.”

“Yeah, on the guy’s _wife_ ,” Hardison says. “You heard her - she’s only giving like $20 billion to charity. That’s backyard swimming pool money. We were going for _Olympic_.”

“We’ll try again,” Parker decides. “Not the white rabbit. Hardison’s right - that was never going to work. I’ve got something better.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Parker says, with an evil grin.

Hardison rubs his hands together evilly and grins back.

“Well?” Eliot asks, and waits to hear what ridiculous scheme he’s participating in next.

**Author's Note:**

> (this is REAL MATH okay if the $100 bills were all packed together they’d only take up like 1500 cubic meters but if they were floating loose for swimming it could totes be 2500 cubic meters, aka roughly one olympic-sized swimming pool.)


End file.
